Tuesday, January 25, 2011

What's best

Sometimes we automatically know what is best for our kids.  Like not playing in the street, or eating a tub of ice cream in a sitting.  Other times it isn't quite so black and white.  For instance, will that cookie really ruin their dinner?  And is it really going to mess him up for life he eats a corn dog every day for lunch because he refuses anything else and you don't want him to lose weight?

I find myself at one of these stages in life where there are some gray areas.

I want full custody of my son, and Jimmy and I want him to adopt my oldest Andy.  Andy has only known Jimmy as a father.  I have not heard from Chris in 3 years.  Andy hasn't seen him for at least 2.  That's a long time when you have just turned 5.  He hasn't tried to contact me, and frankly I don't want him too.

I feel that he has basically given up Andy and doesn't need to have any warning.  An ad in the classifieds is enough.  If he wanted to be a dad he had plenty of time.

Part of me hopes I am not jinxing myself with this.  That Chris doesn't get a hair up his ass and want back in.

But if he does, should I let him?  I don't think that's good for Andy.  Andys' dad is Jimmy now.  Chris gave his blessing to anyone who wanted to adopt Andy 3 years ago.  Does it still hold true now?

What is the right thing to do?  I know what I am going to do.  I am going to file, and Jimmy is going to adopt.  We will tell Andy when he is older about his bio dad, because that is only fair.  And if or when he decides he wants to find Chris we won't stand in his way.  It is heartbreaking and I wish I didn't have to do this.  But I know this is right for our family and our situation.

1 comment:

  1. I totally think you're doing the right thing. When Andy is older you can always allow him to seek out his father if he desires. I do think that you'll have to get Chris to sign over his rights before Jimmy can adopt him legally though, but I'm not sure.