Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Stay At Home Life

I was not made to sit at home and knit.  I was not made to be home all day with my children.  This does not mean that I do not love them.  I am just a person that needs to be useful.  Yes you can say that taking care of house and kids and cooking is being useful.  But not to me.  I want to be able to spend money, and pay bills, and bring home the potatoes to do with the bacon mu boyfriend brings in.

I have been a stay at home mom for four months now.  I thought I would love it.  And on some levels I do.  But I really want to work.  I like getting up and going to work and coming home, and having a paycheck and a reason to get out of the house.  I don't like being cooped up.

Maybe it is all in my head.  I mean maybe if we could actually afford for me to stay home permanently then I could get into it.  Maybe I am failing at this because I know I HAVE to get a job.  Have to.  No ifs ands or buts.  We are slowly sinking.  So I know that this is only temporary, and if it was to be a forever kind of thing I could attack it with everything I am.

Maybe I am just looking for excuses.  I don't know how peoples psyches work.  I don't know how my inner self works.

Hopefully I find a job, or a way out of this mess.  For now, laundry calls, and I know I am not going to answer.

1 comment:

  1. There's nothing wrong with feeling like being a SAHM isn't for you. I have felt the same way, and I love 98% of my stay at home moments. It's not easy, you're doing fine!