I was not made to sit at home and knit. I was not made to be home all day with my children. This does not mean that I do not love them. I am just a person that needs to be useful. Yes you can say that taking care of house and kids and cooking is being useful. But not to me. I want to be able to spend money, and pay bills, and bring home the potatoes to do with the bacon mu boyfriend brings in.
I have been a stay at home mom for four months now. I thought I would love it. And on some levels I do. But I really want to work. I like getting up and going to work and coming home, and having a paycheck and a reason to get out of the house. I don't like being cooped up.
Maybe it is all in my head. I mean maybe if we could actually afford for me to stay home permanently then I could get into it. Maybe I am failing at this because I know I HAVE to get a job. Have to. No ifs ands or buts. We are slowly sinking. So I know that this is only temporary, and if it was to be a forever kind of thing I could attack it with everything I am.
Maybe I am just looking for excuses. I don't know how peoples psyches work. I don't know how my inner self works.
Hopefully I find a job, or a way out of this mess. For now, laundry calls, and I know I am not going to answer.