Friday, February 18, 2011


I have no life.  I freely admit it.  I have become a member on CM and I have found a group that  I love.

But that is not the point of my blog today.

I have met a couple people that I really like, and I consider friends.  They only number like 4 or 5 but for me that's kind of a big deal.  I don't make friends easily, and it is probably because I am a really nice person, but I have the tendency to speak my mind, and not a lot of people like when I do.  I am sure I am not always tactful.

my dilemma is that I want to continue this friendship IRL. Reasons why I don't.

1.  I wonder if they even like me.

2. Do they think I am a friend?

3. I don't even know how to go about becoming friends IRL.

4. I am extremely shy, and I would probably bore them if I ever met them.

So, I just sit here, and talk to them online.  And my life continues.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm not ready for this

Ray can roll.  He giggles when you play with his toes.  He actually giggles, he doesn't do the huuuuunh sound anymore.  Well not unless you get him really going.  He reaches, and grabs and can hold his bottle. 

Now he kicks his legs and tries to crawl.  I am fairly sure he has a tooth or two comin in.   I may be wrong.

But I am just not ready for all this!  He needs to slow down he is growing way to fast.  I know that hes going to keep growing, and I am happy for that.  I am so glad that I have a happy healthy boy, but at the same time, he's starting to learn independance.  He likes to just roll around on the floor.  He actually yelled at me til I put him down and now he's happy as a clam on the floor.  Not fair.  I want him to want me.  To need me.  I want him to be my little baby for just a bit longer.

But days go by.  And he learns new things.  Performs new tricks.

And my heart breaks just a little bit every time.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Day 1 of the Cloth Diaper Adventure

Well.  It went pretty well.  I only have 3 right now but it works out pretty well.  I have used each one twice so far.  I have encountered 2 poopies, 1 of the clay variety and the other is of the wet kind.  Interesting.

See, I thought that CDing would be hard, a pain in the butt and super gross.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I only bought 3 because I wanted to try it and see how I liked it.   And that's all I could afford.  They are super cute, and I love them.  However there are a couple of cons.

1.  They are really bulky, it makes his but look super huge, but this could just be the style of diaper I am using.

2.  I don't have enough of them!

Other than that I am super happy.  They are easy to change, and hold moisture really well.  Well, when I put them together anyway.  Jimmy, bless his heart, put them together wrong so we had some leakage last night, but so far today its good!  They really catch all the urine and the poo.  It's pretty amazing really.  And the best part?  No rubber pants or pins!  Really they are just like disposables just a little bulkier.  Easy on easy off!

The poo.  I was so dreading this part.  Jimmy changed the first one and he wanted to leave it for me.  I said "No way, you change it you clean it.  You have to be OK with doing this too because I am not changing all those diapers and cleaning them too."

So he did it.  He did have some minor complications, that didn't have anything to do with the diapers.  But he said it came right off and cleaned really easy!  When it was my turn, ( I got the wet poo lucky me), I handled it like a pro! Tthere wasn't even much of an odor, no more so than there would be with a disposable.  I didn't have to touch the poo it just came right off under the faucet and down the drain it went!  I am going to get a piece of hose to attach to the utility sink in the garage so that I can clean em up and toss em in.

I like them, and yes, I would recommend them.  Not to save money because they don't save a whole lot, but just because they are cute, easy, affordable, and they keep your baby and the environment clean.  No I am not a tree hugger, but disposable diapers?  Those last forever.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Stay At Home Life

I was not made to sit at home and knit.  I was not made to be home all day with my children.  This does not mean that I do not love them.  I am just a person that needs to be useful.  Yes you can say that taking care of house and kids and cooking is being useful.  But not to me.  I want to be able to spend money, and pay bills, and bring home the potatoes to do with the bacon mu boyfriend brings in.

I have been a stay at home mom for four months now.  I thought I would love it.  And on some levels I do.  But I really want to work.  I like getting up and going to work and coming home, and having a paycheck and a reason to get out of the house.  I don't like being cooped up.

Maybe it is all in my head.  I mean maybe if we could actually afford for me to stay home permanently then I could get into it.  Maybe I am failing at this because I know I HAVE to get a job.  Have to.  No ifs ands or buts.  We are slowly sinking.  So I know that this is only temporary, and if it was to be a forever kind of thing I could attack it with everything I am.

Maybe I am just looking for excuses.  I don't know how peoples psyches work.  I don't know how my inner self works.

Hopefully I find a job, or a way out of this mess.  For now, laundry calls, and I know I am not going to answer.